01/01/2018

The Terrible Movies That I Watched In 2017

I'm not a fan of bad movies, nor do I relish talking about them. However, a small cry for catharsis once in a while may help to remove the muck that has stuck with me as I trudged through all the films that I saw last year.

Listed below are a small pool of movies that I really despise. To see this list on Letterboxd, click here. That said, enjoy...


Wavelength (1967)

Stunningly pretentious. I'm very open to experimental films and the avant-garde, but there has to be a line - and this crosses it.


Mardi Gras Massacre (1978)

Numbingly bad. One of many films this year whose poster sold me a movie that never existed.


2012: The Curse Of The Xtabai (2012)

Completely alien, or just incredibly bad? I'm not sure how to describe this one.


Zabriskie Point (1970)

A somewhat interesting ending, but a horrific film over all. It takes the worst of the 60s American counterculture and wraps it up in a desert orgy.


Beauty And The Beast (2017)

In a recent post, I told anyone who liked this film to kill themselves. Maybe that's a bit too much, but, as much as I like Disney, they make a plethora of shameless blunders.


Deathstalker (1983)

No. 2 for the good poster, terrible movie.


King Kong vs. Godzilla (1962)

One of the worst movies I've ever seen. I honestly do not know how shit like this gets made.


Tanu Weds Manu (2011)

A frustratingly grating romance. I have to suppress a loud "ugh!" every time I look at the poster.


Nude On The Moon (1961)

An interesting snippet of film history. But, equally so, boring and dumb.


Hipsters (2008)

A lesson in curiosity. Just because you've not seen a Russian musical, doesn't mean you have to. At least, certainly not this one.


Dunkirk (2017)

It's certainly not technically faulted. But, my disdain for Nolan's kind of filmmaking is intensifying. I didn't like this for a minute.


The Intern (2015)

Jesus Christ... I'd like to look the person who wrote this in the eye for a good 10 seconds and see what lies within.


Magma: Volcanic Disaster (2006)

When you're watching films that are on a channel that begins broadcasting its movies at 6 in the morning and has a name like Movies 4 Men, it's hard to tell who is the fool in the equation.


Call Me By Your Name (2017)

2017's Moonlight, but so much worse. It doesn't surprise me that this has garnered so much acclaim, but I can't say I understand the phenomena.


The main reason why I made this list was for this section alone: Fuck Jean-Luc Godard. Here I rank, from bad to worst, the films of this bastard that I've watched this year.


Fuck Jean-Luc Godard #13 - In The Darkness Of Time (2002)

I open with a short that I actually liked slightly, and so with a slight apology to an incredibly important filmmaker.


Fuck Jean-Luc Godard #12 - Je Vous Saleu, Sarajevo (1993)

Having re-watched this a few times, I find this simply masturbatory. Godard's rumination on the importance of art that completely undermines real-world tragedy.


Fuck Jean-Luc Godard #11 - Origins Of The 21st Century (2000)

A brilliant dick move by Godard, and a film he re-made to a better standard two years later with In The Darkness of Time.


Fuck Jean-Luc Godard #10 - Numéro Deux (1975)

Ridiculously provocative and ultimately empty. It'll be hard to not just repeat this 9 more times.


Fuck Jean-Luc Godard #9 - Vivre Sa Vie (1962)

More boring than anything else, this is a document for the failures of alienation.


Fuck Jean-Luc Godard #8 - Tout Va Bien (1972)

Opens with some interesting debate, but, boy, is this mind-numbing. I can barely recall a single scene.


Fuck Jean-Luc Godard #7 - Scenario Du Film 'Passion' (1982)

Heartless. Completely heartless. Godard plays a caricature of himself as always, and the results are null.



It's not worth the suffering, nor the pain it takes to keep your eyes open for 90+ minutes.


Fuck Jean-Luc Godard #5 - Pierrot Le Fou (1965)

Godard's narrative films really start to crank up my hatred for his approach to filmmaking. Pierrot Le Fou only bumps it up a few notches, but, damn.


Fuck Jean-Luc Godard #4 - Band Of Outsiders (1964)

Infuriatingly tedious, and so incredibly pompous. I think this is the stank on many of Tarantino's films.


Fuck Jean-Luc Godard #3 - Contempt (1963)

With Contempt, Godard makes an anti-exploitation film that presents itself as art, but leaves you thirsting for blood. I almost like this for the fact that we do get it in the end.


Fuck Jean-Luc Godard #2 - La Chinoise (1967)

This was the piece of shit that really pushed me over the bump with Godard. Indefensible.


Fuck Jean-Luc Godard #1 - Histoire(s) du Cinéma (1988-1998)

I gave up 4 and a half hours of my life to get through this. I can't say I fully resent that fact. But, having got through Histoire(s) du Cinéma, I will remain unapologetic for everything I say about the fool that is Jean-Luc Godard.


There we go. That is the last list that we'll be going through for the end of the year. Are there any movies that you really disliked? Have I unfairly judged any of the pictures on this list?






Previous post:

The Best Films That I Watched In 2017 pt. 2

Next post:

Every Year In Film #32 - When Did Cinema Become An Art?

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