07/05/2018

Cinderella - Another Cinderella Story

Quick Thoughts: Cinderella (1977)

Another Cinderella story... with a twist or two.


I don't think I should be telling anyone I watched this, but this Cinderella is an erotic (pornographic) comedy musical. It follows the basic Cinderella story with some slight alterations. They go as follows:

Cinderella works night and day, not necessarily to clean her step-mother's home--which is a shabby hut--but to power vibrating, gyrating corncobs that her evil step sisters use to... who knows what. The king is not looking for an heir, rather, he hasn't been able to get one up for 21 years because of his wife, the queen, and... that plotline goes nowhere. The king's son, a sexual deviant, is in search of some worthwhile takings, and such leads us to the royal ball.

Sidenote: Boobs are constantly in the frame and snarky poems/songs are sprinkled throughout.

All are invited to the royal ball by the sexually manipulative and fantastically clumsy court official, but Cinderella is prevented from going; she's stripped and smeared in muck by her step-sisters. However, there is hope. A notorious thief escapes from the local authorities into Cinderella's home and masquerades as her fair godmother (he's a gay black guy). Luckily, however, in his swag bag, alongside an English breakfast, is a stick with a bird, hooter and condom attached that turns out to be a magic wand. He magics Cinderella a dress, reassuring her that she has tits and ass... and even a face. He also turns a snail and a watermelon into horses and a carriage. They cannot set off though. Cinderella is missing, not her glass slippers, but an amendment to the bubbling and squeaking machinery between her legs...

The ball commences. The prince sees Cinderella. He vows to dance only with her. A while later, a mating ceremony commences. A selection of maidens all sleep with the blindfolded prince, attempting to prove their worth. The prince is getting nowhere. Until it's Cinderella's turn. Her machinery bubbles, squeaks, hisses and pops like an old wet and sloppy car engine. The prince is overwhelming. It's a 'snapper'.

The clock strikes. Cinderella must run away. But, as destiny would have it, the prince eventually finds his snapper and Cinderella is reunited with her fairy godmother - who us about to be beheaded. They all live happily ever after.

There is nothing more I can really say about this film beyond give a more detailed description, but, if you really need to know more, just watch the film. It is absurdly ridiculous, crass, vulgar and incredibly childish. However, it is a notch above basic pornography as it is pretty funny in own its bumbling, satirical and puerile way. What's more, the musical numbers work. (I wouldn't hesitate to say that they're better that those you can see in the likes of The Greatest Showman). All in all, I can't fault this movie too much. It is what it sells itself as. I may even dare to say it is surprisingly more than what you think it will be. So, if you're in the mood for some absolutely ridiculous and teenage trash, I must say that this Cinderella is the way to go.






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